Time of Reflection

So I have not written in this blog in a long time...I wish I had more happy news. Right now is a time for thinking, reevaluating, and picking up pieces. I knew that this year would be different, and indeed it has. It hasn't been good, it hasn't been bad, it has just been a time to think. This year we are electing a new president, this year I have a job that is worth more than any paycheck could be worth, this year I am single, this year I am ambitious, this year I am losing weight and becoming healthier, for real this time, this year, I am not biting my nails, this year I am taking the bull by the horns and taking on tasks that may be scary but I know I can do, this year I am headed into unchartered territory...

The start of the year was rocky and very sad. I look back at all the things I have written and for the first time, since the start of this online blog, I don't have Tony. Tony and I were having some hard times and in the beginning of the year, after 2 and a half years, we broke up. I haven't stopped thinking since. I look back at all the wonderful things that I wrote and wish I could relive them. There were so many beautiful moments, so many special moments, that it makes me sad to see where we are. I try to be strong, but in the inside I am screaming.

I know in my heart that things will work out one way or another, but the pain in the meantime is overwhelming. Thanks be to God that he blessed me with such amazing friends, true friends, and a supportive loving family. I have never really noticed how much I really truly appreciate their presence in my life until now. It is so intense the feeling that my friends are not just friends, they all have a piece of my soul within them, and I have a piece of their souls in me. Not many people know what that feels like, and I feel so blessed that I have that in my life...


I have also been pondering what I want to get accomplished in the near and not so near future:

I want to learn a martial art: maybe karate or jiu jitsu

I want to backpack through Europe

I hope to live in Mexico for a bit, whether it is for a summer or a year, I feel that is something I would appreciate.

I want to be a bartender, and I want to learn more about wine maybe go to go to a tasting or two.

I need to paint more...

I want to take a trip to Florida with my dear friend Kasia, and have a true "girls weekend away"

I want to learn flamenco in NYC: I need to find time but I want to be a part of the passion that flamenco gives to its participants.

Jobs: I am thinking of maybe being a police officer, flight attendant, or go back to school for a bit to work on my masters to become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker...but still exploring my options. All I know is I want to serve others and give my love to those that I help.

I want to take singing lessons, and know what it feels like to sing the right way.

I want to build my dream home: Complete with a library with cozy chairs, a big desk in a home office, big fireplaces everywhere, hacienda type master bedroom, with big jaccuzzi and double sink, A walk in closet so I can put all of my girlie stuff in it and an awesome old vanity, an awesome bar, maybe a movie theatre, niches, a studio for all my art, and a kichen that I can have a lot of space to cook in. It will be cozy, unique and have lots of character.

I want to have a family, especially a little girl and give her the name Annabelle. I may even want to adopt...

Hopes and dreams...its what helps you through...that is the theme of this year.


So here is a toast, I know it is about a month late, but here is a toast to a year of hope, that things will get better and that we will grow together.