Time of Reflection

So I have not written in this blog in a long time...I wish I had more happy news. Right now is a time for thinking, reevaluating, and picking up pieces. I knew that this year would be different, and indeed it has. It hasn't been good, it hasn't been bad, it has just been a time to think. This year we are electing a new president, this year I have a job that is worth more than any paycheck could be worth, this year I am single, this year I am ambitious, this year I am losing weight and becoming healthier, for real this time, this year, I am not biting my nails, this year I am taking the bull by the horns and taking on tasks that may be scary but I know I can do, this year I am headed into unchartered territory...

The start of the year was rocky and very sad. I look back at all the things I have written and for the first time, since the start of this online blog, I don't have Tony. Tony and I were having some hard times and in the beginning of the year, after 2 and a half years, we broke up. I haven't stopped thinking since. I look back at all the wonderful things that I wrote and wish I could relive them. There were so many beautiful moments, so many special moments, that it makes me sad to see where we are. I try to be strong, but in the inside I am screaming.

I know in my heart that things will work out one way or another, but the pain in the meantime is overwhelming. Thanks be to God that he blessed me with such amazing friends, true friends, and a supportive loving family. I have never really noticed how much I really truly appreciate their presence in my life until now. It is so intense the feeling that my friends are not just friends, they all have a piece of my soul within them, and I have a piece of their souls in me. Not many people know what that feels like, and I feel so blessed that I have that in my life...


I have also been pondering what I want to get accomplished in the near and not so near future:

I want to learn a martial art: maybe karate or jiu jitsu

I want to backpack through Europe

I hope to live in Mexico for a bit, whether it is for a summer or a year, I feel that is something I would appreciate.

I want to be a bartender, and I want to learn more about wine maybe go to go to a tasting or two.

I need to paint more...

I want to take a trip to Florida with my dear friend Kasia, and have a true "girls weekend away"

I want to learn flamenco in NYC: I need to find time but I want to be a part of the passion that flamenco gives to its participants.

Jobs: I am thinking of maybe being a police officer, flight attendant, or go back to school for a bit to work on my masters to become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker...but still exploring my options. All I know is I want to serve others and give my love to those that I help.

I want to take singing lessons, and know what it feels like to sing the right way.

I want to build my dream home: Complete with a library with cozy chairs, a big desk in a home office, big fireplaces everywhere, hacienda type master bedroom, with big jaccuzzi and double sink, A walk in closet so I can put all of my girlie stuff in it and an awesome old vanity, an awesome bar, maybe a movie theatre, niches, a studio for all my art, and a kichen that I can have a lot of space to cook in. It will be cozy, unique and have lots of character.

I want to have a family, especially a little girl and give her the name Annabelle. I may even want to adopt...

Hopes and dreams...its what helps you through...that is the theme of this year.


So here is a toast, I know it is about a month late, but here is a toast to a year of hope, that things will get better and that we will grow together.

Life Lessons from the Bible

As I sat in church for my brother's confirmation, the homily struck me. The story was about a lamplighter and their job. A man was watching the lamplighter light the streetlights one by one. With each passing ignition, the lamplighter created a trail of light, marking where he had been and the lamps that he lit. However, he could not see the face of the lamplighter because he was only out at night, when all others were inside and the light of day could not specify the face of the lamp lighter.

The moral of the story was that we all are lamp lighters. We light up the darkness, the sadness in life, with the things that we do for others. Even though we may not get recognition, we have left an impression on everyone that we cross paths with. We all need to live life with the idea that our actions impact the lives of others.

I thought of that to be so profound. Just amazing to think that you can make the difference in someone's life, by one small deed.


Another story that I found to be so profoud, was the message of Easter. The priest always talks about the idea that we all have Good Fridays in our lives, but we have to always remember that there will always be an Easter to follow. We may have hard times in our lives, but out of hardships comes happiness. There is such comfort in that. I know that I have had some hard times, but I always have faith that there will be happiness. I thank God for all of the lessons that he gives me. He is always watching, never giving us anything he knows that we cannot handle, and when we do have hard times, we know that he is with us...

Below the Mark

Ever feel like you are not good enough?

Thats how I'ven been feeling lately...Like a disillusionment of sorts.
Don't really know what more to say but thats life I guess...

New Year, New Blog

I found this one as a draft, it was from last year. Seeing that I never published it, I think it is time with 2008 just around the corner...where does the time go? Without further ado, here it goes...

I has been a while since I updated. So much to talk about. First is the resolutions that I have for this year. One is to drop my nail-biting habit. Another is instead of dieting like everyone else, I decided that I was going to limit my processed food intake. Natural food is so much better for you. And if i keep active, which is my third resolution, then I can have a heathier year. I am headed into my last semester as a college student and just put in my application for Teach for America, so we will see where that goes. If not then I have some other options to look at. Another resolution, or ambition might be a better way to explain it, is to learn Italian. I am close to being fluent in Spanish so I decided to add another romance langauge to my repertoire.

The Holidays were amazing. The end of the semester was rough and long, but I survived and came out with some really good marks. Band banquet was the best I have attended. The music was perfect and summed up all of my years in band. Traditions went on and I was running on pure adrenaline. I wore a red dress, which I am sure is a big surprise to everyone, but I felt like a movie star. We got some amazing pictures and I couldn't have been prouder of my sister. She and Eddie and Tim, did an amazing job with the banquet. The one thing that made me a bit sad was the slideshow becuase it brought to reality that this was my last year in the UCMB. It was a good run and I couldn't have imagined that the band would have given me the many opportunities that it did. One of those things that make life enjoyable and real. Christmas eve and christmas was wonderful. Tony and i had a night together on thursday before christmas and he suprised me with an hour and a half massage for Christmas. He is just so good to me it is unbelievable. We went to his house after and watched Click, enjoying each other's company.on christmas eve I made dinner, cookies, wrapped gifts, and went to the midnight mass with my family. It was hard to sleep that night, I was really restless, maybe it was because I had the christmas music station on next to my bed, but it got me into the holiday mood and it made me feel like a kid again. Christmas morning was wonderful and I jumped on the bandwagon as I opened up my ipod. But man is it great. For a girl that is HORRIBLE at not scratching her cd's, this makes my life so much less stressful. And I have a ton of music at my fingertips...


Lets see what the holiday season has instore for 2007...

My life...updated

So it has been a long time since my last post. Heres a rundown of what I have been up to since my last post:

Finals went well, I ended up with four A's and one B. Not too shabby and my gpa went up:)

I went on a few trips:
One was Maine with Tony to see Carey and the boys. Those little ones are such a joy even though poor little jack was sick. Tommy turned one and we went up there for the party.
Another was to New York a few times. One was to see Robbie Gil's release party. That was such a good time. We stayed out so late and got pizza at 4 in the morning. And even Mama and Papa Leone came out. A time to remember. Another was to see a show that Ruark was in called "THe Florentine." We stayed out late that night too, but it was a good time. We also went to New Jersey for a Barbeque and was a nice little getaway for Tony and I.

Then there was the dance recital. I was mad because I knew the dance and had a good time going to rehearsals but while we were on the Stage, someone forgot their spot and get in my way and I screwed up half the dance because of it. Oh well, it was good to perform on the Stage again.

Then there were the Naughty Jungle of Love shows. Two at the Oasis, and one at the Brickyard. That was a good night indeed including dancing with Waineagail, dancing around a sleeping fan and making obscene gestures with Tony's friend Andrea, And who can forget the end of the night with a song for a bachelorette party. At that show and as well as the last show ever at the Oasis, I had "Antique" requested to me. How cool is that? Those shows were a good time, except for the creepy guy at the oasis that licked his hand and touched my thigh...who does that??!! honestly...


Then of course there were the Big S softball games and to top off the season, The team ended up in the Championship game, finishing the season in second place. Way to go boys!

Then there was Spain. Aside from the travel Woes, it was amazing. I have so many stories, but I will make a future post about that one soon...

Tony and I also attended a Wedding. That weekend was sweet and included another trip to New York to see Arturo Sandoval and a showing of "Urinetown". I had some sweet quality time with Tony and it was so nice after being away from him for a month.

Then school started. Preseason came and went, so far we have had 3 football games and already have no chance for a bowl game, work has been going well and the house is a good time. I love my room and being able to make my own food. I dyed my hair to almost black and got it cut. I am able to go to my house in south windsor frequently and had lunch with Grandpa the other day.

Last week we also found out that Grandma Leone passed away. She was such a sweet woman and I was blessed to have the chance to know her. And as sad as the occasion was, the Leone Family had the chance to be together. I absolutely love this Family. I not only have one amazing family, but two. I am Lucky:)

So Tony and I just passed our 1 year 4month anniversary and still going strong. I am so lucky and blessed to have him in my life. He has been so supportive and loving and I couldn't have dreamt up a better man than Anthony. He truly makes me happy. Thank you babe for everything that you do...

Well thats it for now. I hope to have the Spain post up soon!

Gonna Be Famous Someday

I had the absoulte pleasure of seeing two amazing bands play live. Robbie Gil and his band as well as the Josh Dion Band were just amazing. My body kept moving and my mouth open at the sheer . These two bands really know how to work a crowd. I am absoultely blown away by the talent that these two bands offer and I know that someday they will be famous. Wow.

Thursday was also a beautiful milestone...That was the day that marks Tony and I beeing together for a year. I couldn't be happier. Thank you babe;) Here's a hope for many more to come...

According to the government, I am officially an adult...

So I had the MOST AMAZING 21st Birthday ever. I spent it with the best people and I am glad I waited till I was 21 to drink.

Thursday: So it all started on April 27th. I finished my research paper in ample time. So I took my time getting ready. It so nice not having to rush. Went to class, had a short meeting for a presentation, and had a VERY long section leader meeting. But in the middle of it, I got a phone call from Tony's house. I listened to the voicemail and was lucky enough to have JACK sing "Happy birthday" to me and then tell me he loved me:) My sister picked me up and then it was off to Red Rock for my birthday. People came in and out and it was a good time. I did a red headed slut with Tony, Joe, and Kelly. And the bartender made me a drink. Don't really know what it was but it tasted like sherbert. Not too bad for a thursday night. Tony drove me back to my room and I found a card on my bed. Tony's parents sent me a card. It was really sweet and definately made it a great night:) Even if I stayed up late helping Mandy with a project.

Friday: School happened as usual. Had a presentation in class and then left spanish early so I could go to work. I didnt get rid of my driving shift, but I did get to leave early so I could go to the KKPsi/TBS banquet. The night would have been perfect if it wasn't for the undeserved 131 dollar "present" (in form of a parking ticket) that was on my car when I came down from changing as fast as I could. Uconn Nazis. Anyways, the banquet was a good time. Here were the highlights: prime rib, eddie's desert, the Zenny's Relaxer, Teaching Eric Cotton Eye joe, seeing girls dance all around Eric:), crazy dancing with Karrie, sketchy Djs, Mandy and Tony's Tango, dancing with Tony, taking silly pictures with my sis, Tony picking up my sister from her Dorm( he's such a good guy:), singing "piano man" and alma mater...
The best part of the night was when I went back to my room and Tony tells me he has to go to his car to get a hanger or something...I am oblivious, so I go up to my room and Tony comes in a bit later and he has a red package in his hand. So he told me to come over and he has me open it. It was a red camera bag. Then he gave me another package...it was a camera. I was Thrilled:) After I opened the camera, I could not stop smiling. It was perfect:) Then to top it off, tony brought some Leone wine with him and we talked for a while and took some pictures with the new camera. Definately still can picture it in my mind...


saturday: So this was an amazing day too. First Tony and I headed out to coventry to see liz's apartment and to have lunch with Liz and Maggie. We went to a small bagel shop and talked about going to Italy next spring break to visit Maggie. Then we went to Tony's house for a bit to see his nephews, pick up some clothes and play with the bunnies. Beth was there too so I got to chat with her for a bit. Then it was off to my house to have dinner. We had potroast and spaghetti(my favorite) with Ian and my family. I had a white cake with homemade icing compliments of my dad:) and a huge red candle that my mom joked about looking really phallic lol. We had a lot of good laughs and funny pictures. Ian got me a shot glass to hang from my neck and a pin that gave me several different drink choices. I was told I had to wear one of them out that night...I decided the shot glass was the less embarrasing of the two. But hey, you only live once and only have one 21st birthday, so I should live it up. On the way into hartford Ian told me that by the end of the night I would be dancing on top of the bar. The funny thing is...he was right. We'll get to that story a little later. First, we met up with my good friendKathy and her Boyfriend and Kathy finally got to meet Tony at the Pour House. The bouncer at the door wished me a happy birthday and after meeting kathy at the bar, I did my first shot, kamikazee, with Tony and Ian. After the shot, Tony handed me a drink and told me that it was from my dad. I was like "my DAD? are you serious? lol"It was a whisky sour and my dad had been talking about it earlier so Tony decided to get it for me since he was talking about how good they were, and actually my mom was talking about kamikazees so my parents had a small influence which is really funny seeing that my family really doesnt drink all that much and I guess it is just weird to talk about drinks with mom and dad. So that added a very memorable moment to my night. Next it was off to the Brickyard next door. We had met one of the bartenders earlier that day so we went to the bar and did a sicilian kiss on the house because it was my birthday and Tony loves his italian background so that added an element of Tony to the night:). I had a grateful dead after to take with me while we roamed around. We went to the second tier where the dancefloor was really empty, it filled later but it was weird to see it so dead, it was early in the night so we didn't worry too much. We decided to go to the top floor because there was live music up there. Tony ran into someone he knew of course...he is the most amazing networker its crazy. We stayed in the coner of the room at the end of the bar. At one point I felt myself get really tipsy. I was like "ok... I am gonna stand against the wall now" and everyone laughed at me, especially Ian because he had never seen me like that before and was having a good time. He was happy to be there with me. Thats what makes him an amazing friend. The bartenders were mad cool too because they had bottles that they lit the corks on fire and juggled them with eachother. It was bad ass. A funny part was kathy and I going to the bathroom and falling a bit. We walked into the restrooms and we realized there were no doors so we could see the guys going to the bathroom. Kathy and I were giggling the entire time. After I finished my drink we headed down to the dance floor. I did Salsa with Ian and that was awesome. Tony and I danced close. I LOVE the fact that he will dance with me:) We took a break and went down to the bar to get some water and we ended up doing another shot of soco and lime. Towards the end of the night, we were back up at the dance floor and they were giving free shots to women who would dance on the catwalk that ran against the wall and behind the small bar on the dancefloor. So I took it and went up there. So Ian was right, I did end up dancing on the bar that night:) I glanced at Tony and Ian watch me dance. I was shaking it all over the place and I am going to be a bit narcissistic and say that I danced the best up there. Some guy came over to me and was dancing trying to get me to come down and dance with him. I turned down the offer and said I had a boyfriend. But I had more than just Tony and Ian watching. Kinda amusing. After I got the shot, I went over to Tony and told him at the end of the night, he is the one I go home with:) We got home and told mom all of the stories because she was still up. It was such a good night...


sunday: This was the day...the day that I had no idea what Tony had planned. My sister was involved, everyone knew but me. I got hints like " what a better way to top it all off than Sunday"... and when I ask what was happening it was the classic..."I have no idea what you are talking about." I was even like , " so I heard you called my sister the other day"...i get " dirty rumors" for an answer. I didnt know until this day that I would be attending my very first Yankees Game at YANKEE STADIUM!! We woke up really early after the late night at the club. I got up and showered and then it was off to Tony's house. He took a while to get things together. I was suspicious the entire time, trying to figure out where we were going. I saw him go out to his jeep with a strange bag. Finally it was off to our destination. One of the places that I guessed we might be going to was New York because he said where we were going was closer to his house than mine. So we got closer and I realized where we were, at that time he gave me the bag and I pulled out my yankees shirt and hat. Now it all made sense, the secrecy with my sis, the I have to go to the bathroom, where is your yankee's shirt, I want to wear it, and "where are your hats? I want to see if it fits now that I have less hair" real smooth tony;) I was still oblivious...So we got there and parked the car. We met up with his equalivalent to my Kathy, Ben, and Ben's dad. We sat about 7 rows from the top of the stadium. I was amused by the groundskeepers fixing up the field and amazed by the size of the stadium and that I was actually there. I used my new camera for lots of cool pictures and started my obsession with reflection pictures. We got italian sausage, I tried Bud light(gross), pepsi, and new york pretzels. Nothing like New York food. The family in front of us had the hookup, the parents must have spent 500 dollars at that one game just on food for the six kids. Crazy. The best part about the day was the fact that the Yankees won the game:) After the game finished we went across the street to get a beer and hang out before we split. We tried to get in one place but it was packed so we found this smaller place with a quiet back room. So we ordered 4 beers, but the cans were HUGE! It definately made for a good picture though. The drive home wasnt too bad. I went back to Tony's and we made a bit of dinner and went out for ice cream to visit his friend Valerie. I got cake BATTER ice cream to add on to the baseball theme of the day. Tony outdid himself... I couldn't have created in my mind a better boyfriend and relationship than the one I have with Tony...Thank you babe for being so good to me:)

Monday: Back to reality and final exams week. But my night was good. Very simple...I had my first drink on my own. Bidwell tavern white russian with baileys:)


So thats it, that was my 21st birthday. Defiantely one to remeber. I was with my favorite people, doing my favorite things...I couldnt have asked for a better birthday:)